It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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