My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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