return my video game
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
