I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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