I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
