That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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