The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
