dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
