He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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