I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
