I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
