You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
