she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize