What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
