I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
