well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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