Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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