Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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