i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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