His pubic hair was longer than his dick
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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