I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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