my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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