Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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