i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
