That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
