I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
