i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
