So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
