areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
