If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize