my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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