oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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