dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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