Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
