my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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