I need help removing her.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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