actually, I'm a sock model
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
