i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
