I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
