I love black thongs
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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