I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
