I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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