McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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