He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
