Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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