if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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