No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
