I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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