My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
