oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
