I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
