I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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