I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
