No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
